It’s Lauren Conrad! I mean, Kristin Cavallari! I mean - ah, screw it.

Here is what I know about Heidi Montag: I know she’s from some alternate Hollywood reality show universe, where women whom indulge in plastic surgeries are called feminist heroes; she’s dating some dude named Spencer Pratt, who looks like the King of the Douches; she falsely believes she has musical talent; she’s in the fashion industry, like so many other useless reality show tarts who think they have talent.

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