Dear Katie Holmes,I get the impression that you’re making an attempt at prying your way into fashion iconica. You seem to work very hard at looking fashionable… However the results end up looking like fashionista on the top, Huck Finn on the bottom. The jeans, Katie… Seriously, what the hell is this about? I get that you may be trying to “define your look”, but I suggest steering away from any look that compliments a raft on the Mississippi River.I do like the shoes. Metallic flats by Lanvin, no? Very trendy, very comfortable, and they suit you well. They do not, however, suit the demin “I Dream of Jeannie” pants. Are you preparing for global warming induced flooding? Please, try pairing these chic flats with skinny jeans or a skirt. These are a bit better than wearing these hideous pants with reptile gladiators, but the problem wasn’t the shoes, it was the pants. And these pants are KILLING these beautiful shoes. Please amend.Thanks,Stiletto PumpedP.S. Suri has got to be one of the cutest alien babies I have ever seen!For a pair of metallic flats like Katies, try the Kenneth Cole Reaction “Dancing Queen”:Dlisted

Everytime I see Miley Cyrus, she’s either wearing a pair of boots, or close to nothing at all.

This is Miley at the 2008 Teen Choice Awards, wearing a pair of slouchy, suede boots, similar to the Type Z “Clementina”. Despite the fact that these slouchy monstrosities create cankles on young Miley where there are none, it appears that the slouchy suede look is one of her faves:

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The gladiator trend is exploding. Thus, it only makes sense for Tyra Banks to jump on board and whore it out just a little bit more:This is the first promo shot for America’s Next Top Model cycle 11. Ty Ty went with a hippie-dippie flower child theme - some kind of high fashion production of Hair, only the blissed out stoners are replaced by catty gay men. It says “Feel the Love” on the top, but you just know Jay Manuel and Tyra want to claw eachother’s botoxed eyes out.Tyra, and a few of the model contestants as well, are wearing the Givenchy gladiator boot, previously seen on Rihanna. I’m not a huge fan of this boot, but they look quite nice in this shoot, particularly the soft, green colour. Tyra is definitely working these boots, but that’s her job - she’s a model. Maybe she could teach Rihanna how to wear these puppies - and those god-awful Balenciaga boots. What do you think?

Rachel Bilson was on the OC, which is now defunct. Why anyone still cares about her is beyond me. Maybe it’s her baffling love of cankle-inducing footwear:Seriously, what the hell are those? They’re almost shoes, almost sandals, almost boots and they’re almost giving me a hernia just looking at them. What would possess someone to put these on their feet? If you doubt the awesome fug of these things, check out the side view:IT LOOKS LIKE SHE HAS PAPER BAGS STUCK ON HER SHOES. Even Rachel looks like she’s looking down at them thinking, “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. This is what happens when you agree to wear something just because it’s designer. You end up being the skinniest girl to ever have cankles.”I hate to admit it Rachel, but you’re right.For those wondering, these booties are by Maison Martin Margiela and cost close to $600. I don’t care if the Pope designed them out of the Shroud of Turin, I would still never spend that amount on something like these. Thoughts?Socialite Life

Here’s Alexis Bledel at the premiere for the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2. Alexis looks very sleek and stylish in this ruffly one-shoulder dress. I would probably hate if it weren’t for the fact that this girl seems to actually make this unique style work.

Alexis paired her dress with a pair of strappy black heels by Alaia. I love the look of these heels. Just elaborate enough to compliment the dress, while still being reserved enough not to overwhelm her look.

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Here’s the always classy Shauna Sand in her lucite heels again. It seems these shoes are her top choice for the beach, the club, or posing nude on bear rugs. As horrid as I think these plastic shoes look on her, I did happen to stumble across an interesting take on lucite heels:

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Here’s the lesser of two evils, Nicky Hilton, at Barney’s the other day. The bag-like dress hanging off her twiggy frame isn’t really doing it for me, but I’m just happy I’m not looking at Paris. I sometimes forget about Nicky. I imagine it must get cold and lonely in the shadow of Paris’ overwhelming sluttery and skankeration.

Apparently Nicky is a fashion designer now - which seems to be the chosen profession of useless, spoiled rich girls (Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag, I’m looking in your direction). I hope this bag-dress-fedora combination isn’t walking down her runway, but I do like the Steve Madden sandals on her feet. Nicky’s wearing the Steven by Steve Madden “Banglez” gladiator sandal. These sandals feature trendy stud details, similar to the popular Balenciaga studded gladiators - but for far less bucks.

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Fergie shows off her gladiators, and some ass cheek

Fergie took the stage the other night to shake her fergilicious ass in a pair of shorts that many have referred to as “mom shorts” - however, I think they can only be classified as that if your mom is Pamela Anderson. I mean, sure, they go up to her boobs, but they only cover about half her ass. I actually did have a friend who’s mother wore shorts like these. Her name was Candy and her breath smelled like tequila and beer.

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Why howdy, Jessica.

Here’s Jessica Simpson performing at Country Thunder in Wisconsin. Jessica has decided to switch from soulless pop music to fluffy country music and this music festival was her big country debut. Jessica took the big stage in her daisy dukes, and it turns out that Dolly Parton she is not. Poor Jess was booed for her entire performance. Apparently, it takes more than a pair of cowboy boots to make you a country star.

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Case study #1: Kim Kardashian

Here’s bootylicious socialite Kim Kardashian at the Matt Leinart 2008 Annual Celebrity Bowling Night in Hollywood the other night. Kim’s wearing a pair of cute white peep toes with her outfit. I think the shoes are great, but why did she feel the need to tie the ankle strap over her jeans? I’ve seen this done before (Sienna Miller, I’m looking in your direction) and everytime, it looks horrible. Everything looks messy and bunched up, and Kim is waaaaaaaaay too pretty for that.

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Here’s the happy couple, Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson, at a Sephora event the other night. SamRo is rocking her regular style, while Linds looks like she stole a fedora from the “Smooth Criminal” video after taking a swan dive into Tina Turner’s closet. Is the shiny rainbow dress a reference to her newfound lesbianism, her metaphorical swan dive out of the closet? We get it, Linds; you’re here, you’re queer and you’re about two inches from an exposed nether region. Honestly, are we sure she isn’t just wearing a shirt with no pants for easy access?Lindsay wore a pair of the insanely popular Yves Saint Laurent “Tribute” heels. This patent platform mary jane has been seen on various famous feet, from Posh Beckham to Gwen Stefani to Kylie Minogue. To rock this style without spending tons of cash, try the BCBGirls “Buffy”:This platform, patent leather style looks sexy with anything, from pants to dresses, or shiny shirts you’re trying to pass off as a dress.The YSL “Tribute” Platform Dlisted

Why does today’s gladiator trend demand that everyone’s legs look like they’re in bondage?

Here’s MK Olsen leaving her boyfriend’s house wearing a pair of gladiators by Chanel. I don’t think I’d wear a pair of these, but I will say that MK does pull them off. They go hand in hand with her unique style. I still have visions of whips and chains and dominatrices in my head when I look at them. Perhaps it’s just visions of my true life calling.

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Quite obviously, Rihanna will wear any elaborate gladiator boot from a high fashion house. Observe:

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There’s a fringe trend upon us. Behold:

Here’s LC out and about in a pair of blue, fringed-ankle sandals. I’m not opposed to the fringe trend; many designers have gotten it right, like the Betsey Johnson “Hipster” or many of the moccasin inspired boots from Minnetonka. However, LC’s sandals aren’t doing it for me. The Fug Girls have already expressed disdain at LC’s footwear choice, and made the valid point that walking around with these things on your ankles would be a bit irritating. I personally don’t think they’re flattering at all and I wouldn’t wear a shoe that looks like it needs to be combed.

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I love Lindsay Lohan more and more everyday. I’m close to being the president of her frekin’ fan club. And I like her even more now that she’s a lesbian! Just look at Sam and Linds together! Do they not look like the cutest, happiest power lesbian couple in the universe? Like they will have a beautiful life, with beautiful lesbian-raised children, concieved with the sperm of some rediculously famous male, who’s identity will be kept secret from the public until they do a big cover story with Rolling Stone? I can’t wait.

As I’ve said before, I also love Lohan for her often regretable - but always interesting - fashion choices. Case in point: Leggings. Lindsay Lohan defined the 2000-era legging craze - a trend that I hate - but I also respect her ability to take such an obviously horrible trend and shove it down our throats like Starbuck’s-flavoured ecstasy, if not only for the reason that I get to write about it. For example:

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