Here’s the happy couple, Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson, at a Sephora event the other night. SamRo is rocking her regular style, while Linds looks like she stole a fedora from the “Smooth Criminal” video after taking a swan dive into Tina Turner’s closet. Is the shiny rainbow dress a reference to her newfound lesbianism, her metaphorical swan dive out of the closet? We get it, Linds; you’re here, you’re queer and you’re about two inches from an exposed nether region. Honestly, are we sure she isn’t just wearing a shirt with no pants for easy access?Lindsay wore a pair of the insanely popular Yves Saint Laurent “Tribute” heels. This patent platform mary jane has been seen on various famous feet, from Posh Beckham to Gwen Stefani to Kylie Minogue. To rock this style without spending tons of cash, try the BCBGirls “Buffy”:This platform, patent leather style looks sexy with anything, from pants to dresses, or shiny shirts you’re trying to pass off as a dress.The YSL “Tribute” Platform Dlisted

I love Lindsay Lohan more and more everyday. I’m close to being the president of her frekin’ fan club. And I like her even more now that she’s a lesbian! Just look at Sam and Linds together! Do they not look like the cutest, happiest power lesbian couple in the universe? Like they will have a beautiful life, with beautiful lesbian-raised children, concieved with the sperm of some rediculously famous male, who’s identity will be kept secret from the public until they do a big cover story with Rolling Stone? I can’t wait.

As I’ve said before, I also love Lohan for her often regretable - but always interesting - fashion choices. Case in point: Leggings. Lindsay Lohan defined the 2000-era legging craze - a trend that I hate - but I also respect her ability to take such an obviously horrible trend and shove it down our throats like Starbuck’s-flavoured ecstasy, if not only for the reason that I get to write about it. For example:

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I would absolutely love to raid Dita Von Teese’s shoe closet. She’s always wearing such wonderful heels. Like these. Or these. Or these:

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Listen for Rihanna’s cover of “Macho Man”

I spent twenty minutes trying to determine if Rihanna got on the leather leggings train, or if she’s just really good with a can of spray paint. I then proceeded to spent another fifteen minutes trying to determine whether or not Rihanna’s stylist is the biker from the Village People.

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Kate Moss is a disco inferno

Here’s Kate Moss in Berlin sashaying around in promotion of her perfume Velvet Hour. She’s wearing a dress that I would regularly think is hideous, but she still seems to pull it off effortlessly. Supermodel at work, people!

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Just because your sister outshone you does not mean you can get away with wearing shoes like that, Jess.

Do you guys remember these shoes?

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Mimi just seems to love her Christian Louboutin mary janes. We spotted her wearing them the other day, and here she is again, strutting her diva stuff in them. I don’t blame her one bit. They look to be the Louboutin “Mad Mary” mary jane, that boasts a 5″ plus stiletto heel. We’ve seen these puppies on Madonna, so they’re obviously perfect for a diva! What I want to know is why she feels it neccessary to pair such a beautiful shoe with an outfit like this:

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TomKat makes Corey Hart proud.

Here’s Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, as they are dropped off by their mothership at Posh Beckham’s birthday party last night. I can only assume that they’re wearing sunglasses at night to block the glare off of Katie’s shiny, 70’s chesterfield dress. Either that, or it’s to protect their retinas from Posh’s amazing, super radiant fabulousness.

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Mariah says, “Bow down to the righteousness of my striped hoochie shorts!”

Flowing, flat-ironed, honey-toned hair - check
Giant, glamazon sunglasses (even if it’s nighttime) - check
Easily visible cleavage - check
Clothes that are two sizes too small - check
Total look of satisfaction in knowing that she is way more fabulous than you - check

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Mariah invites you to touch her body

Hoochie Mariah in London!

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Mimi shows off her weapons of mass seduction

Here’s Mariah Carey, hooching it up for camera. Show those girls off, Mimi!

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Squinty’s boy shows her the way because SHE CAN’T FREKIN’ SEE WITH HER EYES CLOSED

I haven’t heard anything interesting about Renee Zellweger in a while. I find her endlessly annoying, however, I came across these pictures today, and I have to say that I love what she’s wearing. Very simple and chic, she makes this style look effortless. However, I do have to say that I still find her constant squintyness deeply irritating. Maybe if she opened her eyes, she could see the crappy movies she’s making.

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EVA LONGORIA: Oh, Vicky, I’m just so glad we did this.
POSH: Me too. It’s great to be seen with people who are less fabulous than myself.
EVA: What?
POSH: Nothing. Say, Eve, let me tell you some tricks for the camera.
EVA: It’s Eva.
POSH: Whatever. Look, never smile for the paps. Always look cold and fierce, like a magnificent mannequin. Smiles are for children and ugly people.
EVA: I really appreciate all your advice.
POSH: I’m an author, you know.
EVA: I really love your patent leather, Christian Louboutin heels.
POSH: I really love your… Ah, bollocks. We’re almost at the store, we’ll find you something. That outfit is a little too housewifey… Kinda desperate. Like that show.
EVA: I’m on that show!
POSH: Whatever.

For a pair of patent leather pumps like Posh’s Louboutins (complete with the red soles), try the Oh Deer! Garbo:

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Ashlee Simpson, minus her siamese hair twin, Pete Wentz

It’s amazing how different Ashlee Simpson looks. I never thought she was unattractive before the nose job, in fact, I thought her old nose gave her face some character. Now she just looks like a Disney character. Cute, yes; but increasingly annoying, until you just wish Cruella DeVille would come along and turn her into a coat. And then Jessica Simpson can wear that coat to celebrate her return to being the “good looking Simpson sister”.

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Donatella: “Stare into my eyes, darling, it will give you a contact high.”

That’s right, bitches. Donatella Versace has arrived.

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