Well if this isn’t the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

At first, I thought that maybe Paris Hilton’s shoe line had started making shoes for babies, y’know, “Baby’s first hooker shoe, by Paris”. You know she’s the type of girl who wants to start the sluttery and skankeration at a young age. I soon learned that these are part of line of novelty crib shoes called “Heelarious”. If Posh had baby girls, you know these would be on their feet right out of the frekin’ womb.

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The skank has landed

From what I can tell from this picture, NASA has selected Paris Hilton to be shot out to Mars as a representative of Earth. How else do you explain her intergallactic cropped jacket and moon leggings?

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Joel: “No, we don’t know where Paris and Benji are!”

Paris Hilton and Benji Madden’s media fame train must be more powerful than I give them credit for. I almost forgot about Nicole Richie and Joel Madden, whom I hold responsible for Paris and Benji’s sickening media presence, and thus are responsible for Paris Hilton NEVER GOING AWAY.

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Benji pulls Paris away before she scratches her name into the side of someone’s car

Rumour has it that hotel heiress Paris Hilton was recently banned from a Hyatt hotel in Moscow. Hilton allegedly wrote Paris Moscow 2008 on the wall of her suite while staying at the Hyatt. Unfortunately for Paris, the Hyatt does not look kindly upon their expensive wallpaper being graffitied by useless celebrities. Paris was fined nine grand and banned for life. Seriously, couldn’t she have just as easily written that on a bathroom stall wall and saved herself the money? I’m just surprised she didn’t write Call Firecrotch Lohan for a good time. Why can’t Paris be like other celebrities and get banned from a hotel for throwing a tv off the balcony?

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Apparently, her name is Paris

Here’s Paris Hilton, out promoting her new line of hair extensions. Yes, hair extensions. It’s actually quite appropriate because I find hair extensions to be fake and tacky, much like Paris herself.

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A while back, I posted about Paris Hilton’s new shoe line. Her line has larger shoe sizes to accomodate the ladies out there with bigger feet, like Paris herself. However, after seeing this picture today, I’m beginning to think that Paris’ line has larger sizes in order to accomodate the drag queen demographic:

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Jessica Simpson is nothing but an empty vessel filled with the Ugg. Y’know, instead of just being an empty vessel.

The Uggs are still attacking at full force! Jessica Simpson appears to have been hit by the Uggs fairly hard. The inherent bad fashion of the Ugg spread all the way up her body fairly quickly, as we can see by her baggy shirt and track pants combo. We need to be prepared. The Uggs are getting harder, better, faster, stronger, and not in the sexy Kanye West way.

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Paris Hilton Footwear: For girls with herpes - I mean, big feet.

Here’s Paris Hilton, doing her best to look like a rich forty-something wife from Beverly Hills. She’s about two steps away from seducing the teenage pool boy. I suppose that’s not really very shocking.

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Paris asks “Who wants to be my best friend?” and is answered by the sound of crickets chirping

Because she doesn’t have enough money, Paris Hilton is launching a new reality show called Paris Hilton’s My New BFF. The show will put Hilton in a house of girls who are all competing to be Paris’ new best friend. This is not a joke. MTV actually thought this was a good idea. The girls will allegedly be tested on things like “loyalty” and “girl politics”. I get the impression that it’s just a competition to see who’s best at kissing Paris’ VD infected ass. The show should be called “Paris Hilton’s New Sycophantic Barbie”.

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Paris: “Benji, what colour are my eyes?” Benji: “Nipple?”

Here’s Paris Hilton at a club in Las Vegas with her boy of the mintute, Benji Madden. Don’t they look cute? Benji staring at Paris’ boobs, Paris loving it because she’s dead inside and lives off of the attention of others. Paris was recently seen wearing a diamond encrusted ring that says BM on her engagement finger. People are speculating that it may be an engagement ring, but I think it’s just Paris and Benji whoring out their fake relationship for attention in the tabloids. And it’s working.

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Oh, Paris Hilton. I love her, because she’s a big joke. The only problem is that she doesn’t get it.

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Paris Hilton was spotted flaunting a new ring the other day. It was allegedly given to her by brand new boyfriend, Benji Madden. Benji is of course one half of Good Charlotte’s Madden brothers. Brother Joel is engaged to - and is the baby papa of - Paris’ ex best friend/reconciled best friend, Nicole Richie. Jesus, it’s Young Hollywood Sex Degrees of Separation, here.

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It looks like Paris Hilton is pulling a Lohan.

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I’m going to be honest with you. I don’t know much about Kristin Cavallari.

Source: I Don’t Like You In That Way

Well, I know she’s the one in this picture who isn’t Paris Hilton, and I know she’s from one of those reality shows where rich teenagers run wild like the herpes virus, with seemingly no parental influence. Am I right about that? The Hills, Laguna Beach, whatever. It seems that Kristin Cavallari is famous because she’s on TV, and she’s on TV because she’s rich, so by the transitive properties of fame (thanks to Stephen Colbert for that logic), she’s famous because she’s rich. So, it makes sense for Cavallari to be pictured with the queen of “famous for nuthin’ but money”, Paris Hilton.

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Source: Dlisted

Heiress turned felon Paris Hilton recently lent her famous face for some new Fila ads. I must say, the girl who built her career on sluttery and skankeration looks pretty cute in the above picture. However, if you take a look at some of the other shots from this shoot, you can see that it doesn’t matter what she’s wearing, Paris lives every day like it’s a sex tape - even if she’s only expressing it through her Deep Throat inspired facial expressions. Sex sells, right?

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