Why does today’s gladiator trend demand that everyone’s legs look like they’re in bondage?

Here’s MK Olsen leaving her boyfriend’s house wearing a pair of gladiators by Chanel. I don’t think I’d wear a pair of these, but I will say that MK does pull them off. They go hand in hand with her unique style. I still have visions of whips and chains and dominatrices in my head when I look at them. Perhaps it’s just visions of my true life calling.

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Here’s Lindsay Lohan at Diddy’s yacht party the other night. With her is Samantha Ronson, Lindsay’s BFF or lesbian girlfriend, depending on who you talk to. I think Lindsay looks spectacular here. Her hair looks sleek and shiny, her dress is beautiful and her skin doesn’t look as freakily orange as it usually does. Lindsay is pulling off the perfect lipstick lesbian look.

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Here’s famous twin/fashion hobo Mary-Kate Olsen on the left with her sister. Come November, Ashley and MK will be releasing a coffee table book about the people by whom they are influenced. Titled Influence, the book will feature many designers, artists and photographers. No word yet if Bob Saget made the cut.

Many people would argue that MK’s style is a little “sloppy”. Though I do find her look to be a wee bit disheveled for my tastes, I do see the bohemian influence in her style, and I wonder if Janis Joplin, from whom I imagine MK’s style derives, will be mentioned in Influence.

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Is neon in again? If so, why? Do people not remember 1991? Do we not remember individuals walking around looking like bicycle reflectors? Here’s Rihanna during Paris Fashion Week. She sported some powerfully neon platforms that are currently burning my retinas. At least she knows that she will not be hit by any cars, seeing as the driver could see her shoes from about three miles away.

If this shoe looks familliar to you, it’s because it is another version of the Giambattista Valli “Victoria” shoe. I much prefer MK Olsen’s black suede version. I know neon is kind of Rihanna’s thing, but it’s seriously unflattering. One of the things I liked about MK’s shoes was that they didn’t look clunky, despite the size of the shoe. Rihanna’s neon accented shoes look clunky, loud and possibly contaminated by radioactive waste.

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Here’s Mary-Kate Olsen at a John Galliano show in Paris. Looking at this picture reminds of how my mother always thought the Olsen twins looked like treasure trolls. Maybe Lucy Lui is about to rub the jewel in her belly for luck.

Mary-Kate and Lucy Lui are looking quite fashionable, in different ways. Each has their own personal style, and this picture shows the contrast between the two. I don’t care for the furry thing around Lui’s neck, or the oversized Louis Vuitton leopard scarf around MK’s neck, but each style choice is a good representation of their fashion personality. Lucy Lui, high powered New York City fashionista. MK Olsen, vagabond crossed with an Aerosmith groupie.

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The Olsen twins scare the bejesus out of me.

They always have that expressionless, non-smiling look on their face as if they’re robots, or aliens, or trying to burn holes into my soul with their DEAD EYES. That’s why I like this picture of Mary-Kate Olsen. Sure, she looks like an eighty year old blind woman, but at least I can’t see those big eyes that once belonged to Michelle Tanner, and now belong to Hollywood.

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The times of gladiator heroes has been making its way back into popularity for a couple of years now. I do not think it is just because Brad Pitt naked bum was on the big screen during Troy, either. First the gladiator times influenced fashion by flowy dresses. Now, they are influencing our footwear.

Mary-Kate Olsen wears a pair of black Channel gladiator shoes. In fact, the same style has been worn by Hayden Panettiere and Kate Hudson. Also, these shoes are really popular in Europe.

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Do you ever have the urge to just “Grrr”? Do you wish people would think you a little more wild than an uptight, stressed out woman? Well, discover your inner-animal with these animal print shoes. Several celebrities are also wearing this hot trend. Mary Kate Olsen, Rebecca Romijn and Katherine Heigl all look fabulous in their leopard print flats. Animal print shoes are hot. However, pairing leopard print shoes with a leopard print dress – not so hot. Also, please, please do not mix animal prints. You want people to think you are wild, not crazy.

Giraffes are not notorious for their sexiness. However, with these Steve Madden Mandrn-G high heels, they should be. These shoes will help you feel as tall and posed like a giraffe.

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