No, you are not looking at a picture of Britney Spears from five years ago. This is, indeed, the real Brit Brit this past Sunday night at the MTV Video Music Awards.

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There are precious few moments that I get to say things like this, so let me enjoy it: Lindsay Lohan looks fantastic in this photo. No leggings or “ankle gloves”, and her dress appears to actually be a dress, and not just some oversized t-shirt with her ass hanging out. The green colour looks fantastic on her. And dare I say it? She looks happy, and not in that “I just downed three vodka Redbulls with ecstasy chasers” kinda way. Kudos to Lindsay.

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Here’s the happy couple, Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson, at a Sephora event the other night. SamRo is rocking her regular style, while Linds looks like she stole a fedora from the “Smooth Criminal” video after taking a swan dive into Tina Turner’s closet. Is the shiny rainbow dress a reference to her newfound lesbianism, her metaphorical swan dive out of the closet? We get it, Linds; you’re here, you’re queer and you’re about two inches from an exposed nether region. Honestly, are we sure she isn’t just wearing a shirt with no pants for easy access?Lindsay wore a pair of the insanely popular Yves Saint Laurent “Tribute” heels. This patent platform mary jane has been seen on various famous feet, from Posh Beckham to Gwen Stefani to Kylie Minogue. To rock this style without spending tons of cash, try the BCBGirls “Buffy”:This platform, patent leather style looks sexy with anything, from pants to dresses, or shiny shirts you’re trying to pass off as a dress.The YSL “Tribute” Platform Dlisted

I love Lindsay Lohan more and more everyday. I’m close to being the president of her frekin’ fan club. And I like her even more now that she’s a lesbian! Just look at Sam and Linds together! Do they not look like the cutest, happiest power lesbian couple in the universe? Like they will have a beautiful life, with beautiful lesbian-raised children, concieved with the sperm of some rediculously famous male, who’s identity will be kept secret from the public until they do a big cover story with Rolling Stone? I can’t wait.

As I’ve said before, I also love Lohan for her often regretable - but always interesting - fashion choices. Case in point: Leggings. Lindsay Lohan defined the 2000-era legging craze - a trend that I hate - but I also respect her ability to take such an obviously horrible trend and shove it down our throats like Starbuck’s-flavoured ecstasy, if not only for the reason that I get to write about it. For example:

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Lindsay Lohan turned the big twenty-two yesterday. If you felt the Earth vibrate last night, it was probably the vibrational fallout from this party girl’s shindig. I was going to send her a present, but apparently they don’t let you send a cocaine and adderall in the mail.

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Girl who’s bad acting cries like wind

Is there some new Pocahontas trend on which I’m missing out?

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Lohan has no idea where she parked her car.

When you’re a celebrity, you can own every shoe in every colour of the rainbow. For example, in the above picture, Lindsay Lohan is wearing the Minnetonka Front Lace Hardsole boot in black. Previously, we had seen her frolicking about like a coked out Pocahontas in the tan version of this boot. I suppose she saves the black model for when she’s attempting the “car burglar Pocahontas” look.

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Here’s Lindsay Lohan at Diddy’s yacht party the other night. With her is Samantha Ronson, Lindsay’s BFF or lesbian girlfriend, depending on who you talk to. I think Lindsay looks spectacular here. Her hair looks sleek and shiny, her dress is beautiful and her skin doesn’t look as freakily orange as it usually does. Lindsay is pulling off the perfect lipstick lesbian look.

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Pocahontas, as played by Daisy Duke, as played by Lindsay Lohan

Here’s my favourite walking fashion disaster, Lindsay Lohan, out and about the other day. She’s leggings-free, which is a bit of a surprise, considering her recent forray into the leggings market with her own brand of leggings. I suppose that for her, it was a case of either endorsing leggings, or narc anon. What’s next? Amy Winehouse beehives? Björk swan dresses?

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Even Lindsay can’t keep a straight face while wearing this.

Lindsay appears to be leggings free here, however, her outfit leads me to believe that she lost a bet. Either that, or she got separated from the hooker marching band parade.

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Apparently, her name is Paris

Here’s Paris Hilton, out promoting her new line of hair extensions. Yes, hair extensions. It’s actually quite appropriate because I find hair extensions to be fake and tacky, much like Paris herself.

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There are at least two things wrong with this picture:

Here we have the adorable - if not a little cheeky (get it?) - Lily Allen pumping her gas.

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Back in blonde, like a female Angus Young with less talent and more leggings.

Oh, Lindsay. Back to that horrible blonde hair and leggings. It’s always one step forward, two steps back for this girl, isn’t it?

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Mariah invites you to touch her body

Hoochie Mariah in London!

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Does this look like the type of girl who would star in a home sex tape? Ignore the stain on her dress.

Last week, the infamous Lohan/Calum Best sex tape surfaced to the internet masses. After much debate, it was confirmed that the tape was, indeed, a fake. However, it appears that Lindsay was the last to know, as Linds was overheard bellowing over Calum Best’s voicemail:

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