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Put on your riot gear! It’s Naomi!
Naomi Campbell is such a nice girl. The supermodel recently stopped to strike a pose for some photos the other day. Shortly thereafter, she went batty and began screaming like a banshee. No one was hit this time, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t try.
Benji pulls Paris away before she scratches her name into the side of someone’s car
Rumour has it that hotel heiress Paris Hilton was recently banned from a Hyatt hotel in Moscow. Hilton allegedly wrote Paris Moscow 2008 on the wall of her suite while staying at the Hyatt. Unfortunately for Paris, the Hyatt does not look kindly upon their expensive wallpaper being graffitied by useless celebrities. Paris was fined nine grand and banned for life. Seriously, couldn’t she have just as easily written that on a bathroom stall wall and saved herself the money? I’m just surprised she didn’t write Call Firecrotch Lohan for a good time. Why can’t Paris be like other celebrities and get banned from a hotel for throwing a tv off the balcony?
She looks glazed over, but that doesn’t mean she won’t throw a mic stand at you.
]That’s right, shoe lovers. The Courtney Love trainwreck is coming your way.Courtney was spotted leaving a London club the other night with a bag full of special goodies. If I were to see a person pull that out of their purse, I would think they were either a pharmacist or a drug dealer. Failing that, I would assume they were Courtney Love. Looks like my logic works.
Does this look like the type of girl who would star in a home sex tape? Ignore the stain on her dress.
Last week, the infamous Lohan/Calum Best sex tape surfaced to the internet masses. After much debate, it was confirmed that the tape was, indeed, a fake. However, it appears that Lindsay was the last to know, as Linds was overheard bellowing over Calum Best’s voicemail:
Seal and Heidi were never going to survive, unless they got a little crazy
Here’s Heidi Klum and husband, Seal, wading their way through a sea of photographers and autograph seekers. Seal allegedly went off on the paps, calling them scum, which of course just caused them to take more pictures. Heidi was silent, but you know if things really got out of hand, she would have stepped in as Seal’s supermodel superfrau and given them her fiercest model look, which of course would cause the paps to be hypnotised into submission. Don’t mess with supermodels, man. Where do you think the super comes from?
Paris: “Benji, what colour are my eyes?” Benji: “Nipple?”
Here’s Paris Hilton at a club in Las Vegas with her boy of the mintute, Benji Madden. Don’t they look cute? Benji staring at Paris’ boobs, Paris loving it because she’s dead inside and lives off of the attention of others. Paris was recently seen wearing a diamond encrusted ring that says BM on her engagement finger. People are speculating that it may be an engagement ring, but I think it’s just Paris and Benji whoring out their fake relationship for attention in the tabloids. And it’s working.
Here’s Lindsay Lohan leaving a dinner date with her mom, Dina and sister, Ali. Linds looks like she was going for the “Goth Ski Bunny” look. Wearing the remains of a dead crow and leggings that look as though they would cause Linds to fly down a toboggan hill on her ass at the speed of light, Lindsay exited the restaurant with a white stain on her shirt. I guess that joke writes itself.
Oh, Paris Hilton. I love her, because she’s a big joke. The only problem is that she doesn’t get it.
Another day, more Britney gossip. This time, it seems she’s running out of money. Rumour has it that Britney’s finances are quickly dwindling, due to her excessive spending. Who knew cheetos and frappuccinos could have such an effect on a pop star’s riches?
Britney has had so much success in the past that it’s hard to believe that she could be running out of money. And didn’t she just release a new album? Where did it all go? Methinks most of Britney’s money went into the pockets of meth dealers, Starbucks and Kevin Federline. What a waste.
Paris Hilton was spotted flaunting a new ring the other day. It was allegedly given to her by brand new boyfriend, Benji Madden. Benji is of course one half of Good Charlotte’s Madden brothers. Brother Joel is engaged to - and is the baby papa of - Paris’ ex best friend/reconciled best friend, Nicole Richie. Jesus, it’s Young Hollywood Sex Degrees of Separation, here.
I love British celebrities. They’re so much more fun to watch. Example, the lovely Kate Moss:
Here’s the fashion chameleon herself leaving Club Punk in Soho the other night. The model partied with friends, including a foxy looking Kelly Osbourne. You may imagine that British people sit around, clinking tea cups with their pinky fingers out, but these Brits obviously know how to party. I love how drunken Kate looks like she’s about the kick the photographer in the second picture. Kate might be heroin chic small, but I bet she could kick some ass. And Kelly is the daughter of tough-as-nails Sharon Osbourne and a man who once bit the head off a dove. These two bitches ain’t nuthin’ to mess with.
Britney Spears seems to love boots. I see photos of her parading around in different boots all the time. She likely has a whole closet full of boots, which I imagine would be located next to her room full of flip-flops, which is next to the room full of cheetos (that are probably ground up to a fine powder and divided into lines). However, I’m not sure that someone with the mental instability of Brit Brit should be allowed to use and abuse boots at her will. Why? Because something like this will happen:
Here’s Mariah Carey looking, as usual, like a hooker. What better way to attract patrons to your street corner by wearing bright red fire engines on your feet?
There’s been rumours recently about Mimi’s alleged drug use - that she apparently uses cocaine. I’m about as shocked by that as I was by Kate Moss’ cocaine use. Rich and famous people using coke?! You don’t say. Next they’ll try to tell me that George Michael is gay and the pope is Catholic.
Sources: Go Fug Yourself, Just Jared
In case you didn’t hear, crazy psuedo-celebrity Bai Ling was arrested this week. And no, it wasn’t by the fashion police - although I’m sure those stylish coppers do have a warrant out for her arrest.
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